Can’t Hide Immaturity





At 31 years old, I shouldn’t be waking up on a friends couch, surrounded by my own puke, with my jeans completely soaked in piss, but it’s 3am and I'm discovering that is exactly what’s happening. My last clear memory of that night is the alcoholic owner of my favorite sushi bar TaTas breaking open the third 1.8L bottle of Sake as my buddy Brake shows up. Fast forward to the present, I'm laying on the couch, looking upstairs watching Rebel's bedroom door open, he comes out...

Rebel: Dude you were THAT guy last night.

BD: Please tell me I'm soaked because I swam in your pool last night.

Rebel: What? What pool?

BD: Or that you poured water all over me as a joke…

Rebel: Did you piss yourself, aaaaaah ha ha ha ha ha

BD: I don’t remember shit, what did I do last night?

Rebel: Everything! I’ve never seen Randy cut anyone off before!

BD: Fuck I miss living in Vegas…

Will I make it to the houseboat marina by 8am like I promised my brother I would? Ummm, yea no. And shit, Rebel's house is all tile, why the fuck did I aim for his nice Chinese area rug! Thankfully I don't believe in karma, cuz this one would definitely come back to get me....

Morningtime I'm a disaster. Definitely being punished for not paying my penance to the great porcelain god. Apparently part of my punishment is having to get ass naked and change out of my piss soaked jeans into board shorts at 3am in Rebel’s driveway, in front of all his neighbors.

Getting to my brothers hotel on the East side of Vegas by 7am was a fucking chore, but I'm here and I'm in the elevator on the way up to his room. Looking into the mirrored walls of the elevator my hair is way too long right now and it’s sticking straight out to the left. My eyes are bloodshot, I'm hunched over with one hand holding my stomach and my other hand on my forehead to try to stop the relentless beer monkeys pounding on my head from the inside out.

I’m in his room, sitting on the bed waiting for him to finish with his shower talking to his wife. I'm in some serious pain right now, if I could tapout at this point I would. But fuck this, I'm on vacation I don't need to sober up. Fuck hangovers!

BD: Hey Kusinera! (Bro’s Wife) Can I have $10, I need alcohol and I think I lost my wallet last night?

I stumble back downstairs and go sit at the main bar in the Fiesta. It takes a minute for me to realize it’s not open yet. What the fuck, this is Vegas. How the hell is there a bar not open in a casino? Man this town has really gown downhill since I moved away...

Finally I find the one open bar and get myself two Bloody Marys. They are $4.25 each so the bartender gets a shitty tip, I apologize and head back to the elevators. As the doors are about to close, two guys get in that are about my age. They are probably in their late 20s, definitely not older than me. They walk in and see me hunched over in the corner, leaning on the handrail, face smashed up against the mirror, holding my stomach with one hand, drinks with the other.

Guy1: Long night last night?

Guy2: Those Bloody Marys look pretty good!

BD: Sorry gentlemen, you have to feel as shitty as I do to have any of this.

Guy1: Well, hope ya feel better dude, later.

They get off the elevator right away because they are on the second floor and my brother’s room is on the eighth. As they walk out of the elevator and down the hall I overhear one of them say to the other…

Guy2: Oh man, to be twenty-two again....

As the elevator doors close I think to myself, “Wow, really? This guy is a half decade younger than me and I remind him of when he was 22?”





This is my life, I hope you enjoy the stories