Drunk BD Punks Sober BD
I wake up. It’s dark. Completely dark.
Which is really odd because it’s never completely dark in Las Vegas. Holy shit
I am hung over. Esta tondo dehydrated, massive headache and it’s fucking pitch
black dark. I can’t even see my hands in front of my face. Of course I'm
not 100% sure my eyes are open because they are so dry I can't blink correctly
without it hurting. I'm lying on the ground, I think. I can feel tons of
shit all around me but I can't see any of it. I think to myself: Am I in a
fucking car trunk? All those Vegas movies instantly run thru my head. Shit, I
better not be in a trunk, drunk BD can easily piss off the wrong person in
Fuck, my head hurts, all I want to do is crawl in a ball and sleep until the hangover is gone but waking up here is not exactly something that can be ignored for a few hours. I get up on my hands and knees and start to feel around. OK, I'm not in a trunk, I have lots of room, but I'm too scared to stand up yet. I literally have no fucking clue where I am. I'm fully clothed, I think, and I smell like smoke. My breathe reeks of Jack. Man o man, must have been one hell of a night at Chilly Palmers.
After some feeling around and knocking over some shit I realize I am in a closet. I'm probably in my closet, at least I’m hoping I am. So I began feeling around for my door or light switch. Pleeeease let me be in my own closet! Found a door. I think. It won’t budge. Shit maybe I am not in my closet because I don't have a lock on my door. Wait, how could it lock from the outside? What is all this shit piled up against the door? There are clothes and towels or something stuffed under the door, ahhhhhh, that's why it’s so damn dark in here.
Holy shit it’s bright. It's daytime. The first thing I see when I fall out of the closet is myself in the mirror. What the fuck am I wearing? Is my shirt on backwards? Wow. The second thing I see is VegasTits and my dog sleeping comfortably on my bed.
BD: Hey wake up! What the fuck is going on!
VegasTits: Good morning drunkass...
BD: Fuck good morning! What the fuck am I doing in the closet!
VegasTits: Don’t get pissy with me, I couldn't talk you out of it last night.
VegasTits: Drunk BD wanted to see how you would react to waking up in a dark closet.
BD: Oh, wonderful. OK, give me some
water please I feel like less than a million bucks.
Why was I not surprised? Because this happens often. Drunk BD likes to play tricks on my sober self. Here are a few.
Drunk BD likes to swap the contents of my fridge and pantry.
Drunk BD likes to drunk text LOTS of sluts...and then DELETE the sent text logs and pass out.
Drunk BD likes to go online and buy parts for cars that I don't even own.
Drunk BD likes to mess up my work budget
spreadsheets in hard to detect ways.
Every once in a while, Drunk BD isn’t in the mood for pranks, but does something truly thoughtful. Several times I have woken up to a Bloody Mary and Asprin on the nightstand next to my bed. Exactly what you want to wake up to with a raging Chilly Palmers hangover.
I've always said that I wanted to hang out with my drunk self to see how much fun I am. But since I generally hate anyone that acts like me, I would probably hate the real me even more.