She Fucked My Goose





This night sticks out to me as one of my finest memories of all time.  I can literally die a happy man because of this night. And if you doubt the absolute truthfulness of this story… well that’s just because you’ve never hung out with South Florida chicks. 

The thunderstorms have just subsided for the day and the sun is just now setting in Delray Beach. 

Delray is a small sleepy beach town right next to Boca Raton.  I just moved here from Las Vegas about a week ago and my hometown buddy that lives in Tampa, VanWilder, just left yesterday after helping me move in. The day before we ate lunch at place right on the beach called Bostons. Everyone suggested we come back at night and now it's my first night solo so I decided to check it out. 


I leave the house, jump in the car and head to the bar with my plastic goose in the passenger seat. Soon as I get out of my neighborhood I realize I forgot to put a new battery in my cell phone. I consider going back since I am only about a minute away from my place, but decide against it. This, as it will turn out, will be one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. And trust me, that's saying something.


I get a parking spot right in front of the bar, which is really unusual. The night starts off good.  The bar is somewhat crowded, the music a little too loud, but there is one open seat left at the bar, which is even more unusual. Night gets better. The chick sitting next to me is super hot.  Brown hair, great tan with a little white top, tight little jeans that are showing off her hot, tiny figure and some heels. Mmmm, heels, the night is getting even better!

BD:      Cute hairstyle, did you just get it done?

Chick:  Thanks, can you tell I’m not wearing a bra?

BD:      It’s time for shots.

I couldn’t have planned the first two minutes of this night to start off any better. Found a slubi and I haven’t even finished my first beer yet. This is going be a great night.

We chat and drink for about a half hour. I did my best to pretend I was interested in what she was saying. She must have bought it because she suggested we go check out another bar. This is an obvious first step towards a night of drunken fornication so I agree and as we are leaving and my buddy psychoMike walks in. He could not have worse timing.

PsychoMike was your typical South Florida mid 20s transplant. He was from the Northeast, currently in rehab for heroin and has that cool guy New Yorker attitude. Pretty much everyone in Delray Beach is in rehab, but that’s another story. We hang for another hour and the girlie gets more and more flirty. I’m not offering her any drinks so I assume she is trying to get me to buy them for her by flirting but then I realized that, no, she’s just fucking horny. She leans over to me and says...

Girlie:  So, are you going to fuck me good tonight?

BD:      Check please!

Yes I used that line. Out loud. My one and only time I’ll use that line during my lifetime, but hell, it was appropriate. And sure enough, psychoMike is wasted and hears all this…

psychoMike:     Hey can you give me a ride back to my sober living house?

Fuck, I hate this guy. psychoMike’s sober living house is a 10 minute drive away. I could walk home in less time. This sucks. Then I think to myself, maybe I can work in some road head on the way back so I reluctantly agree.

Driving down the freeway and everything is really calm in the car. Nice casual conversation about bullshit. Shit, I start to think this chick is not going to be as fun as I thought. psychoMike just got out of the car and is trying to walk up to his sober living house. He is walking more awkwardly than a fat chicks’ first time on roller skates. I quickly pull the car around to leave because I know he has to walk up some stairs and I don’t want to have to help him when he falls down. I’m not even 20 yards away from his house before I notice she is taking her top off…

Girlie:  Seeeee, I TOLD you I wasn’t wearing a bra.

BD:      Yes I knew that already but are you wearing underwear is what I want to …..

I don’t even finish the sentence and she’s kicking her heels off in a drunken fury. One of them grazes my chin as it flies across the car.  OK, I’m pretty fucking happy with the situation, I’m drunk driving, dodging high heels and a hot Florida chick is desperately and aggressively yanking her pants off…

Girlie:  Seeee, noooo underwearrrrrr.

BD:      You almost hit my face with your …..

Girlie:  Hey look, I'm a gymnast!

HOLY SHIT.  She is sitting in my passenger seat now completely naked and while sitting upright in the seat she just flipped her legs straight up behind her head and grabbed onto the headrest with her toes. She is holding this position looking at me now for approval. Keep in mind that all this happened in the span of about 10 seconds. I do absolutely everything I can to hide my excitement and astonishment and mumble something to see how far I can push this…

BD:      Well that’s kinda cool but I thought I would be getting road head by now….

 Girlie:  OK now its time for your pants to come off…” 

She is now hastily pulling my pants off. I have to help her undo my belt because, well, she is your typical below average IQ Florida barfly. She starts going down on me for a minute and I somehow ended up on the freeway back to the bar. She feels the wind and decides to stand up, naked, out of my sunroof on the freeway like it’s a fucking roller coaster ride at Magic Mountain. She now has her arms up waving, tits straight out, screaming at cars next to us with one foot on her seat and one between my legs.

Amazing, how much crazier this can get? Of course, I want to find out.

I slap her ass as hard as I can a few times so she sits down again but now she keeps fucking talking. Fast. Nonstop.

Girlie:  “Are you going to fuck me tonight? Are you going to fuck me hard? Tell me how you’re going to fuck me over and over tonight”

I just cant take it anymore. I then make thee most memorable move of my life and grab my plastic goose from the backseat and throw it in her lap…

BD:   Here play with my goose till we get to my place.

Girlie:  Um, why do you have a fake duck in your backseat?

BD:   Its a goose! And shut up till we get back, I need to concentrate on the road I’m drunk.

She takes the goose and makes out with it. Yep, French kissing a fucking three foot tall plastic play toy. I thought she was just being funny until I realized she was doing this for a reason. I think to myself:  Oh shit, no way. She can NOT be getting it wet for…

YUUUUUP. It happens. She shoves the goose’s three inch beak into her pussy. I’m looking at this scene unfolding here next to me thinking no fucking way. It’s at this point I couldn’t hold my excitement anymore and my inside voice turned into my outside voice…

BD:  Holy shit that’s awesome, my friends at SKG will never believe this is happening to our mascot, I totally need to take pictures of this.

Girlie:  “Fuck yea! You need to take pictures of this…”

I begin fumbling with my DEAD cell phone. Fuck. It won’t turn on. WAIT, I have a car charger. It’s broken, but it will work if I hold the cord at a specific angle while it’s plugged into the phone. All I need is one pic.

Just one pic.  PLEASE just one pic…

Now put yourself in the drivers seat and try to drive that car… My right leg controlling my speed, my left knee on the wheel steering the car, my left hand holding my cell phone and my right hand holding the broken car charger into the phone at exactly the right angle. All the while having to split time between watching the road and watching this hot South Florida chick have sex with my plastic goose in the seat next to me.

Needless to say, I dropped my cell phone over and over and could never get it booted up during those two or three glorious minutes.  It took a minute for the oddity of watching this chick fuck a plastic goose to wear off but soon as it did I told her to give me more road head. She did this and didn’t look up until we got back to the bar.

By the time she realized she was getting dropped off at her car and not taken to my house to get ‘fucked hard all night’ she was PISSED. I told her to shut up and get out of my car and threw her pants at her when she stumbled out.

Girlie:   I can’t find my other shoe what the fuck!

BD:    Shut up I’ll bring it to you tomorrow, I’ll call you.

Girlie:   Fuck you give me my other god damn heel!!

I could not get rid of that huge stupid grin I had on my face the entire way home.

Early the next morning I got up early to hit the beach and when I walked up to my car I really wasn't thinking about what all had taken place the previous night until I open my car door and there it is. The heel she wore last night, wedged between my driver seat and the side of the car. I stood there for a good minute or two, looking at it, reminiscing about all the details, giggling to myself wondering how I will ever be able to top this one.

I kept that heel for a long time, it was the perfect trophy/reminder of my finest night in South Florida. I even kept it when my Vegas girlfriend (VegasTits) flew out to visit me for the July 4th holiday. Glad she didn’t look in the water heater closet!

Also, I really did plan to call this chick, hell, I still might. I can’t remember her name but I do remember her phone number. So one day in the future, no doubt after telling this story and getting called out about the truthfulness of all this, I’ll finally call her. I’ll be sure to record the call.

I keep that goose with me everywhere I go, you can follow his travels at