Showtime: Tapped Out





Lazyeye, Shitass and myself are at Chilly Palmers. It’s Friday night, well, it was Friday night when we got here, now the sun is starting to come up so I guess this counts as Saturday morning. There is no WAY we are getting out on the lake by noon this trip.

A hot cocktail waitress has been flirting with Lazyeye all night. And not normal flirting, like making sure she gets taken home and fucked over and over type flirting. She comes back to the house with us at about 6am. Lazyeye wastes no time and takes her upstairs before Shitass and I even get in the house.

When I walked in Shitass plopped down right on the downstairs couch and passed out. Too bad, this fucker always misses showtime. I know I'm bout to get showtime because I can already hear them fucking upstairs.

My plan is to get quick changed into dark clothing and sneak into the room before the sun comes up too much and the house is all bright. If I wait another ten minutes my cover will be blown.

I quickly change and now I am right outside the door, dressed all in black and getting into character. This room you can open the door and there is a small hallway before it opens up into the main room, so you can’t see the door inside the room. Especially if you’re getting railed by a 6’5” basketball player with a huge cock. I am on my stomach, combat style, slithering into the room about to peak around the corner.

If you’ve played Call of Duty you know what I mean. All the way down to your stomach, snaking forward but instead of a rifle in my hands I’m holding a video camera with night vision.

Just as I peak around the corner I see Lazyeye push up off of her a little bit, slap the wall with an open hand three times and say “I’m tapped out”

This was the funniest fucking thing I ever heard and I started laughing immediately. I barely caught myself but ended up spitting like someone who just heard a good joke as they drank a soda. So now my cover is blown because I’m making too much noise laughing, but not knowing how this slubi would react, I need to stealthily get the fuck out of there.

Can you snake backwards in Call of Duty? No idea, but I definitely could in that situation. I quickly slithered back out into the hallway and quietly closed their door. I had to go wake shitass up…

BD:  Dude fucking Lazyeye just tapped out.

Shitass (half waking up): What? Huh?

BD:  I just got showtime! But Lazyeye tapped the wall and gave up and I lost it when he said “I’m tapped out”

Shitass:  He actually tapped out?

BD:  Yea funniest showtime moment ever. You missed out again fucker.

Shitass:  God damnit why don’t you guys wake me up for this shit!!