Showtime: Yahoo





Back in the early 2000s webcam technology was still shitty. There was only one IM service at the time that it worked reliably on. Yahoo. None of us had accounts on Yahoo Messenger but it worked flawlessly with my webcam. So I called all the guys and told them to sign up for yahoo IM accounts and when I had a chick over I would turn on the webcam and they could watch. It was straight out of American Pie.

It got to be fairly regular. I had the computer set up in my master bedroom at the time so it was pretty slick. I would just send a mass text message to everyone saying “YAHOO” and they would know what that means. Everyone would scramble to an internet connection and sign on. Yahoo’s setup at the time was really slick because as long as they were already a ‘buddy’ they could view my webcam at any time if it was on. So I would sign on, turn my monitors off and it was good to go.

It got to be so regular that my texts to them would get more specific so they could decide if they wanted to watch.

Sometimes it was just “YAHOO” if I was in a hurry.

Other times it was by name like “YAHOO VegasTits NOW”

Then after Lazyeye bitching about timing, “YAHOO PinUpGirl 20 Mins”

But the most memorable yahoo experience by far began with the text “YAHOO 10 Mins I'm gonna fuck a fat chick”

Nevermind that I sent it at 6am in the morning, these guys were NOT gonna miss this. Lazyeye happened to be awake and he lived with Shitass at the time so he barges into his room at the crack of dawn and shakes the shit out of him…

Lazyeye:  Shitass wake up BD’s bout to fuck a fat girl.

Shitass:  huh?

Lazyeye:  On YAHOO dumbass wake up I’m signed on already!

Shitass:  Fuck yea!

They get up and go into Lazyeye’s room and wait for the show to start.  The only problem with this was sometimes the angle was bad because it was towards the foot of my bed where my desk was. And my dog Malibu likes showtime just as much as the chinoboys do. Sometimes he even gets up on the bed and sits down towards the end and just watches. This time, that’s exactly what happened.

I hear later that Lazyeye is fucking irate and screaming at the computer.

Lazyeye:  Malibu god damnit get the fuck off the bed!

Shitass:  Yell at him like in the movie Tombstone!


I wish I had a webcam on their room watching me that morning. Lazyeye is standing up yelling at the monitor at my dog, swearing to kick the shit out of him the next time he’s in Vegas if he doesn’t get off the bed.

It ended up being a lame showtime because the chick started bleeding as soon as we started messing around. I tossed her ass in the shower and looked towards the webcam still naked and held my arms up like “I dunno, I’m sorry guys”