I'm just about home from a night of
drinking at Chilly Palmers and shit, I'm getting pulled over by Henderson
P.D. I'm pretty drunk but I think
I could pass all the tests. I do a mental check list test to see if I can
answer common questions, as I'm slowly pulling over to the right I try to feel
all my limbs and make sure I am 100% "there".
Is there anything suspicious in my car? Is anything in the open that I should hide? Where are my insurance papers? I never registered this car when I bought it a year ago, shit I hope he doesn't ask about that. Where are my Altoids?
Ok, I'm coming to a stop, about 50 yards
away from the entrance gate to my neighborhood. Shit! Of all places, 50 yards
from safety, I'm about to get a DUI right in front of my house. Well, fuck it,
lets do this.
Officer: How you doing tonight?
BD: I’m doing great!
Officer: Have you been drinking tonight?
BD: Yes I have, but my house is right there.
Officer: You live in this neighborhood?
BD: Yup, and they hate me, I'm the youngest homeowner in the place.
Officer: Are you OK to be driving around?
course, I drive really well when I'm drunk, look at this...
I start happily turning my steering wheel from left to right, over exaggeratedly with a huge smile on my face. I show the officer I can turn waaaay left and then quickly turn waaaaay right.
BD: Seeeee, I can drive fiiiiiiiine.
BOOM. Fuck! I just hit a curb!
What the hell? Oh shit I was dreaming and driving. Right now I'm going 45mph and hitting the curb jolted me awake. Where am I? What the fuck is going on here?
I try to collect myself and realize I'm driving down Horizon Ridge Ave, 50 yards from my entrance gate. Wow! I'm right where I was dreaming I was, without the cop and getting pulled over part.
So I glide the car 50 yards farther to my
entrance gate, #1463 and the gates open. I turn left and go down the street and
pull into my garage. WOW. Did that just fucking happen? I walk into the house
in a trance…
PinUpGirl: Finally you get home!
BD: Pinch me, am I awake?
PinUpGirl: Yes! Are you ok! Jesus BD you’re a mess, did you just drive home?
BD: Yea! And I got pulled over right outside the gate!
PinUpGirl: What! And they let you off!?!?!?!
BD: Well I'm not sure it really happened.
PinUpGirl: What the hell does that mean?BD: My alignment in my car is fucked, I think I just hit a curb. Good night.